It felt as though I was looking into eternity
Chapter 1: Pre-ingestion
Dennis had left for Oregon in haste to be at his new job. The timing on his part had to be the worst imaginable by those who would wish to maintain some type of integrity and order in their home. The reason for this. It was a day into the spring break of my senior year in high school. Who was Dennis you ask? He was, and in fact, still is the Father of one of my best friends Chris A. I say Chris A. to maintain anonymity, not of Chris but of myself, for I would be known by some just through association.
The excitement roared as Chris and I realized the opportunity that lay before us. A gorgeous, large, and yes very empty home mixed with none other than two seniors on spring break. We were told explicitly and with great thunder and force that we were (Not to have a party.) So we didn't have a party!We had six of them.
The third night, also the third party, something very interesting happened. Another one of my buddies John M. showed up with a bag of some of the nastiest looking magic mushrooms I had ever seen. (Actually the only magic mushrooms I had seen up to that point) They were not the average white stem brownish-red capped Cubensis that we in Washington have grown all too accustom to. They were black and gray with a white powder covering the entire stem. He said that they were called Cyaneses but no one really ever believes John so we all just decided that they would be whatever they were, anonymously. If they were shit they would be shit anonymously, if they were the most potent Azurescens in the world they would be so anonymously. The point is; I didn't know what I was going to be going through. Neither did Amber.
Chapter 2: Post-ingestion
Amber!Amber!Amber!What a waste of time that girl was. She was also a waste of my (ever so precious) sexual virginity; not that it's a big deal. But that is another story altogether. Amber is, to maintain my dignity, we'll say, experienced. She was out to get it when she needed it. Which is sad, but also inevitable when you have someone as sexually fucked up as that one. Amber and I had met a couple of days prior to that night and the day before we had actually broke the barrier of physical and spiritual connection by getting drunk and having sex. Since then I have taken a vow of abstinence!from alcohol!This night however, the third night of spring break, she had come to the wrong place if she was looking to (score.) The story begins.
John, Chris A., the other Chris, my brother, and I had all partaken in the eating of the (Sacred Mushroom) about 45 minutes before Amber and her fiends, whoops, meant to say friends, decided to show up. The night was mainly uneventful during the time prior to their arrival, as one would expect. Other than some mild stomach (ickyness) and the initial energy rushes that one experiences while climbing mushroom mountain to its peak, I was feeling fine. I was starting to think, as most first timers do, that the mushrooms were shit and that John had ripped us off. But the night crept on, and as anyone who eats, grows or searches for mushrooms knows, the word that you must live by is (Patience.) When Amber arrived I was still in the pre-hallucinatory stages of my trip and thought that it was going to be as such all the way through. Thus, I beckoned her to follow me up to the bedroom with promises of what she obviously desired. To look back on the situation now fills me with an elation that can only be rivaled by the actual experience of being on mushrooms while staring at a clear, dark, night sky.
Chapter 3: The bedroom
Amber was aware that I had taken the mushrooms. That didn't stop her. She jumped on me right as we closed the door to the tiny room that housed only the floor covered in beige carpet and a black, tubular metal bunk bed that had belonged to Chris and his brother when they were kids. Now it served as a place for high school kids to commit grievous unnamable sins night after night. We were lying on the lower level of the bed kissing and making out when I started to close my eyes. Big mistake. It felt as though I was looking into eternity, which was to say the least, captivating. The colors and shapes were starting to effect me in a way that one is privy to only through self-indulgence. I honestly can't tell you how long we were making out for but it certainly didn't go past that stage. I started to realize that I was really tripping out and that sex was not high on my priority list even though I still wanted to do it. I continued to try to prolong the foreplay that we were experiencing but in the end the mushrooms won. They beat at my mind like the ocean beats on the shore. Not causing any damage or harm, just relentlessly. Over and over the shapes, colors, and internal sounds were disorienting me. Making it literally impossible for me to continue in my endeavor that I had embarked on with this young woman. I started to panic. My heart started to race uncontrollably and my palms began to sweat. I finally pulled away from her quickly and tossed her on the bed. During the sex and mushroom struggle I did find it hard to get her off of me and when I finally did break free I bashed my head on the upper bunk. Damn that hurt! I stood up shaking my head and nursing my (wound.&8221; A moment of clarity hit me and I realized that I probably owe this poor girl some explanation. But, at that moment, I didn't care. I looked at her face, which had now taken on a pseudo fish-monkey combination. I realized that I had to get out of there as fast as possible and back down to the rest of the party where I would be safe with my friends. I don't remember what I said verbatim but it was something along the lines of (I don't know you, I don't know you! Ahhhhghha! Who are you!) It was at that point that I ran out of the room leaving Amber sitting on the bed with a dumbfounded and truly astonished look on her face, that I am sure of!
When I arrived down stairs again I reconvened with my fellow explorers out on the back patio where we all smoked cigarettes and I relayed the story that had just occurred. It was funny to say the least. I made it an obligation of mine to stay as far away from Amber as I could for the rest of the night. For some reason I didn't feel comfortable with her when I was on mushrooms. There was too much physically between us and not enough emotionally or spiritually. I made my spiritual connections with the others that were open to them. I felt so close to them, my brother especially. It was as if the mushrooms were intertwining our spirits and allowing true conversation. The cigarettes burned low and the night air carried a chill with it that was starting to weed out those with thin skin. In the end it was my brother and I who remained outside. We had both lit up another cigarette and were talking. We spoke of relationships, drugs, sex, gossip, anything and everything. But what stuck with me most were our thoughts on family. I remember explicitly saying to him that I wished our parents, especially our mother, were more open minded. He agreed. I wanted so badly to be able to convince her to try this magical fungus that I was rapidly falling in love with. But a glimpse of reality set in and I was saddened. For I knew that she would never try it. In fact, I knew that if she ever knew I had eaten them that I would be disowned. This is a truly unexplainable feeling. A feeling of such hopelessness in knowing that someone you love would never partake in something no less than a religious experience simply based on the fact that they are insular. I don't worry about her though. She is spiritually centered and most certainly not in any particular need of an experience. However, I truly believe she would benefit from it because it would do so much for her in terms of making her live a little more in the gray area rather than always in black and white.
The hallucinogen induced conversations with random people carried on
throughout the night. My love for the world was overwhelming. However,
I started to realize as I returned to reality that my new friend had to
leave me for a time. They had come to me, given me spiritual catharsis
and now, were going to leave. Again I was saddened. The thought crossed
my mind to eat more of the magic fungi but I knew deep down that if I
were to get high again that night it would be a severe bastardization
of what I had just enjoyed so deeply. Responsible thought kicked in and
I took the safe road and simply rode out the high until I was completely
down. I fell in love with the unseen universe that night.
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