3 girls, Jesus, and a bush
When: I don't remember. Last year some time?
Chrissy, Molly, and I were sitting on the sidewalk behind my house smoking down. I don't even know how much we smoked, but we were blasted. Chrissy was laying on the ground infront of me and Molly, and she had her arms spread out on either side of her. Molly looks down at Chrissy and says "You know, you look kinda like Jesus." We all start giggling, but then Molly gets up, goes over to Chrissy and starts "nailing" her hands and feet into the ground. So we laugh for a few minutes and then it occurs to me..."You know Molly, that might be considered sacreligious." Molly wigs out, jumps up, and starts "removing" the nails from Chrissy's hands and feet. I'm sure all of you have used a hammer before and know how to remove a nail with the hammer...that's what Molly did.
Then she gets on her knees, slaps her hands together and looks up at the sky before saying "Dear God, I didn't mean to do that. Actually, it wasn't me. You were trippin', and you thought you saw me do that, but you really didn't. I'm sooo sorry, God!" By this time, Chrissy had sat up and then she fell back down laughing at Molly's prayer. We decide we're too high to just be sitting here and we get up and walk to Chrissy's car. On the way, we realize that we don't have her car key. We looked all over - in the house, in the car, on the ground. It was too dark to see if the key was actually on the ground, so I got my digital camera and took pictures of the ground every few feet and then looked at the picture to see if I could see any thing silver or shining. No luck. As we're looking around the yard for the key, there was a rustling in the bushes. Chrissy looks at the bush..."What the fuck did you say to me? Who the hell do you think you are?" Molly and I are just staring at Chrissy because we have NO idea what she's going on about or why she's talking to a bush. So Molly walks up to Chrissy very slowly and places her hand on Chrissy's shoulder..."Chrissy, what's wrong?" Chrissy replies, "That bush is talking shit to me!" So Molly runs up to the bush and jumps on it, kicks the shit out of it and mashes it damn near completely to the ground. "Well, now what, bitch?" Molly says to the bush. Of course, the bush said nothing back.
After the bush attack, we decided to go inside. After we got to my room, Chrissy and Molly decide to play on my computer for a few minutes. While playing on my computer, they proceed to apply 3 different kinds of deodorant. Unfortunately, I don't remember how Molly and Chrissy got home, since we never found Chrissy's key that night. But the next morning I was on the phone with Chrissy and found the key outside. It was right where we were sitting. Later that day, my dad was mowing the lawn and after he finsihed, he came into my room with a baffled look on his face. "Do you have any idea what happened to the azalea bush out in the side yard?" I almost burst out laughing, but I kept my cool..."Uhm....no idea, daddy...weird, huh?" To this day, Chrissy still says the bush was talking shit to her in a rare bush language, that she says she can understand. "That damn bush was layin' it on thick...bitch ass bush," she says.
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